A Sad and Happy Day!

My earliest memories of the last day of the year constitute of chicken and Preeti Sagar. While most of you are familiar with the former, I have strong reasons to believe that not many know about the latter. But more of that later.

I remember the cold, the layers of warm clothes on me which I absolutely did not agree with most of the times, the delightful aroma of chicken roasting in the small electric oven and an overall sense of well being. It used to be a normal day for me, just like any other, only happier.

The party used to begin in our living room with our prized B&W EC television at nine in the evening. Tucked inside quilts with a blower working overtime to keep the temperatures in the room from falling, we would settle to watch whatever Doordarshan had decided for us. And they most certainly decided on Preeti Sagar. “My heart is beating, keeps on repeating….” Anyone?

Soon the year changed. Times changed. I changed.

It’s that last day of the year again. There will be chicken, wine, ribbons, music and dancing. There will be joy, excitement, fun, laughter and games. And there will be the one thing that kicked in as I grew older - the sense of time.

So now the last day of the year is not a normal day anymore. There is happiness, but not without a pinch of sadness - of a year gone by, good or bad or both in equal or unequal measures. Of time that passed. Of time that would never come back again. Of weaknesses and strengths. Of the best and worst of things. Of struggles and successes. Of births and deaths. Of loves and losses.

But it is this sense of time that makes me want to look forward - to find out what the New Year holds for me, us, the world. Pretty much like the feeling when you are in a roller coaster and it slows down, even stops, before the final plunge. You want it to start and stop at the same time.

My heart is beating, keeps on repeating….

Happy New Year!

Living in Minnesota - The Case of the Missing Keys!

At 8:15 am on the Thursday morning, I felt I was ready to burst. The car keys were missing, for the umpteenth time again. Meaning, there were not in all the places that they were supposed to be. So the search began in every pocket, every drawer, and nook and corner of the house.

A little background into the situation while the search is still on – car keys are usually the responsibility of hubby dear. Since we have moved to the US only a couple of months ago, there is just one ferry that goes back and forth between stops comprising of work, school, supermarkets and the like. Therefore, our lives revolve around this particular set of keys especially during the morning rush hour.

After about ten minutes of craziness I am beginning to wonder if the keys are at all anywhere in(side) the house. And the thought is scary, because if they are not inside, it means they are outside the house – somewhere deep in the snow! (Friends, its Minnesota, right?)

Now, there are duplicate keys, which are my responsibility, and right in the place that I keep them in. However, at that point in time, it was unarguably necessary to find the missing keys no matter what! As we trudged out into the snow with a prayer in my heart, I saw the most beautiful thing I could ever have hoped for.

While hubby dear had his head down looking for the lost treasure, he walked right past the large cardboard sign.

“Keys Found. Call R… “ (Sorry, had to blacken the real deal for reasons we all understand)

In the next couple of minutes, the case of the missing keys was closed. I could not believe our luck! And R, who not only kept our keys safe but put up a sign for us too! While we resumed the rest of the day, in the silence of the drive, we could hear our thoughts which were completely in tune for a change. What were our chances of finding the keys? Or the car for that matter? What if…

I have no idea. All I can say ... I love you R, I love Minnesota, I love this world...My faith stands restored! Hallelujah!

The Fight Goes On for the LGBT Community of India

The Supreme Court of India (SC) dealt a hard blow to the LGBT community in the country by its judgment this Wednesday as it upheld Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC), bringing an inglorious end to a two-decade struggle for equal rights for citizens with a different sexual orientation. What began in 1991 with the AIDS Bhedbhav Virodhi Andolan filing a petition to repeal the IPC Section 377, gathered great momentum over the years to finally culminate in a victory of sorts in 2009 when the High Court of Delhi (HC) ruled in favour of the petitioners. On Wednesday, it was back to square one.

Framed during the colonial times, IPC Section 377 condemns all who have unnatural sex including consenting adults. A remnant of British India’s laws, it continues to remain in the system as a redundant organ with limited functionality. The 2009 Delhi High Court judgment intended relevant changes to the law keeping in view its relevance in the present times. The SC deemed the changes unfit in accordance with the law and tossed the HC order out of the window passing the buck to the legislature of the country. New laws will have to be framed to override/scrap/change the Section 377 - new laws that can take an infinite amount of time to be passed in a country marred with coalition politics.

While IPC Section 377 does not target the LGBT community directly, the provisions in it ensure that its members are stripped of the right to a life of their own. Because they commit a criminal offense punishable with life imprisonment every time they make love. It is like being persecuted for having a different color of your eyes than the general population. Or worse.

Many would still argue in favour of the IPC Section 377 and against everything that they do not deem as natural. According to popular belief, it is in nature to procreate and any act of sex that does not arrive at that conclusion is unnatural. However, recent studies have shown that homosexuality is prevalent in nature in a far more pervasive manner, especially in the animal kingdom. And don’t we all regard animals to live strictly on natural instinct?

It is true that the world had little or no acceptance of homosexuality in the recent past. Countries including the United States, which has strongly registered its protest against the SC verdict, fared no better in their social and legal system a couple of decades ago when it came to homosexuality. But since then, there have been many studies into the nature of human sexuality and perhaps, now, it is understood somewhat better than before. The verdict, therefore, brings to the fore a certain callousness as it upholds an archaic law that has little or no relevance in the current times.

The only good thing that may have come forth in the wake of the verdict is the way it has been received by and large. Prominent political figures provided statements to the press iterating their disappointment with the new order. The blogosphere erupted in support of the LGBT community and in condemnation of the judgment. The social media savvy put forth their points in support of the LGBT community in every which way possible. The butt of jokes in social circles and comic relief on the widescreen, homosexuals can finally hope to find support with many in the masses. Once considered largely homophobic, India seems to have come a long way.

The SC has not closed all doors for the LGBT community as it has granted the right to appeal. However, it is unclear why the SC, noted for its many landmark judgments, did not walk the extra mile to do away with the vulnerability that IPC section 377 imposes on the significant LGBT community of the country. The fight goes on for the LGBT community in India.

Rise of the Aam Aadmi!

The Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) has done it – broken all expectations, probably their own too. This is a new dawn in the history of Indian politics when the people decided to take back the power they had once given away. While BJP did manage to sweep the polls in three of the four states, there is no telling what the outcome may have been had the AAP contested the polls outside the state of Delhi.  

With its tremendous victory, the AAP has set forth an unexpected chain of events. With no party in majority, or even in a position to prove it, the state of Delhi may just be heading towards a hung assembly. What will unfold in the coming days would be truly interesting to watch, much more than what goes on in Big Boss 7.

The question is simply not about what happens next... 

The AAP has, no doubt, set precedents in its campaign to win Delhi - decentralized manifestos which identified problems and necessary solutions in the various constituencies of the state, a transparent list of donors for funds used in the elections and good use of technology including its progeny - social media. All very good, but is it enough?  

While it can be widely agreed that the AAP candidates have the intention of good governance, however, can it be safely concluded that they possess the ability for the same? While AAP candidates have a clear mandate to curb corruption in sectors, but does it mean that they can create policies for a sustained, if not better, economic growth? Have the people placed the power in the right place? 

With the Delhi assembly elections, what the AAP, in essence, has done is break down the door to a new path. Like a rude wake-up call to those in power to shape up or ship out. And that will work, to some extent. However, the seeds of progress can only be sown by those who know how to. AAP, quite clearly, has yet to show the talent in the team. Unless AAP is able to attract and recruit real talent, it will, unfortunately, relegate to just another political party in a matter of time. 

Or does the AAP intend to settle in the role of a political watchdog akin to the Jan Lokpal?  

Well, either ways, goodluck to the aam aadmi!

You Can't Hurry Love!

This one was published in iDiva....

"I love you. Will you marry me?"

That was my first proposal, when I was all of nine years old. So was he, a classmate smitten by my prepubescent charms. Needless to say, I ran, a hundred miles least. 

I can always laugh at that one and at all the other advances that the opposite sex made through my teenage years, the most famous being, "I want to do friendship with you." Duh, I know!

The teenage years passed into only marginally wiser twenties with too many expectations and some very well deserved heartbreaks.

As I retrospect now into the eager years gone by in search of love and all those times that I did not find it, I wonder, what is the rush to be in love?

Falling in love, is part of growing up. And before long, the heart beats wildly, the cheeks flush to a deep red, the tongue ties itself up, all at the mere glimpse of the revered one. Who can forget a first love, sweet and innocent as it is? But while the heart thumps away happily, it also does not know what it wants as life lures it away to other avenues predetermined by destiny. Time passes, the world grows bigger, and the first love does not always keep up with the pace. And yet it remains, forever, warming life from a distant past.

While first love can be sacrosanct, others aren't so, as I learnt, quite painfully. There can be no telling when Cupid's arrow might strike and, there is also no telling how many times it could. Ambitions change with maturity, as do the outlook to life. People change, and so do relationships. Adjustments start to feel like unbearable burdens. The world demands enough compromises already to want to come home to a few more. And every time, it took courage to walk away from what I did not want. After all, love isn't supposed to feel bad.

Coffee is a great eye opener, as I found out one morning. For years I had prided myself in accurately understanding others. But did I really know myself? Do we, at all, understand ourselves? That difficult question raises a million more, each warranting a deep delve into the soul for a rightful answer and search for a path forgotten or relive a dream set aside. As I searched, I found myself, and I fell in love. With myself.

One day, when I wasn't looking, love knocked on the door, asking for sugar for a cup of tea, a new neighbor, a familiar stranger. Like a breath of fresh air, fragrant and blessed, it stayed on permeating its sweetness deeper and deeper each day. When time tested it unleashing its darkest hours, it grew, stronger instead of weaker. Two years later, the question that had made me once run a hundred miles least smiled at me, I ran again, only this time into love's open arms.

It took me years to understand, you can't hurry love...

Love Isn't Supposed to Feel Bad!

This one was published in iDiva....

My neighbour's 17-year-old daughter came to me teary-eyed from school. Apparently her boyfriend, also in the same class as her, had threatened to break up with her because she would not have sex with him. I had heard that one before, but admittedly, not from a 17- year-old.

Blame it on the sun or moon or Western culture, whatever, almost all teens today are plagued by the age-old issues of physical intimacy. To do it or not to do it, that was her question. But was there a something more to her decision to lose her virginity?

He was 18, her friend and hero, with whom she had spent many innocent hours and given a few not-so-innocent kisses. But lately, her hero, who she believed loved her dearly, had become a monster with just one thing on his mind. As she wailed about her love on the bean bag in my living room, I said the first thing that came to my mind: "Honey, love isn't supposed to feel bad!"

With a doleful look, she asked, 'Not ever?'

That stumped me too. Despite being 13 years older, I wasn't sure. Was love never supposed to feel bad or could there be times when it did not shine as brightly? The question was relevant even at 30, and it needed to be answered.

A couple is allowed to have differences - in opinion, in actions, in words and in bed - that are imperative for a healthy relationship. But what's most important is how these differences are dealt with.
With respect, I said. I could tell by the way she narrowed her eyes that the word was a heavy one. Perhaps that is why it is at the heart of every relationship. Respect the differences. Respect each other. Respect when one says no.
As she sat enlightened by this gyan, I knew what the girl was thinking. Was it such a big deal to give in to a partner's demand? We all do it, for little things and without much thought, just to please.
But what about the important issues?

Larger issues need more attention, especially where one partner is unwilling to do what the other wants because he/she is uncomfortable, but is being pressured. And there is only one person who can put a stop to them, and it's you. It is the simplest and hardest thing to do, to not give in to something you do not want to, the first time or ever.
Yet, my young friend shook her head. If she was "dumped", she would become a laughing stock at school. I sighed. That is why so many opt to go through life dealing with the unbearable pain and burden of an abusive relationship because they don't want to be judged by society.
So I told her what I knew from my happy experience of love and marriage.

Love is about giving, not taking. It is about sacrifices, big and small. It is uncomplicated. It's knowing you are the most important person in the world to someone. It's when you fight and it hurts like hell. It is when you don't let the sun go down without making up. It is when the differences don't make a difference.

So no, sweetheart, love isn't supposed to feel bad, ever.

I hope I touched a chord in her because she smiled then. Before she left, I pulled out an information booklet on sex. The interested look on her face assured me to an extent; her decision would at least be an informed one. 

Living in Minnesota – Sam and Sameer

Well, it happened last evening, right in the parking lot of Cub Foods. The thing that makes for one of the most annoying and equally embarrassing moments in life – a nice big car that all of a sudden, just would not start. With every try, the engine seemed deader than before, taking my hopes of reviving my beloved Pathfinder anytime soon. People flurried past into their vehicles trying to escape the wind, some dropping a curious glance at my direction, making me all the more cantankerous inside. Deep breaths darling, deep breaths.

Talking to the car does help – I knew the battery was fine; the lights worked well and even the tiny rear wiper did its best to convince me how the fiasco was not its fault. And yet as I turned the key, there was nothing but silence surrounding me. With the winters looming lazily on the horizon, the temperature began to dip and it was definitely time to call for help. A friend arrived within seconds followed by his wife who had the all important jump start cables in her car. I did not have the heart to mention the emergency jump start kit that I had just tried on the Pathfinder, and without any success. After another simple and short failed attempt, it was decided that towing seemed to be the best possible option.  

While I dialed road side assistance, a friendly stranger pulled-up in front to help as best as he could. So there was my beauty, sitting in the midst of friends familiar and unknown, just as I was. Was I really in a country where I had just set my foot in? The chill in the air was, of course, a different matter. The minutes passed slowly before road side assistance came for the rescue and an upbeat one-man-crew (who I am going to call Sam) jumped out of the truck.

There was water, since it had been raining for the entire day, and oil from many contributing cars including mine that made one of the most detestable mixtures right under where my once reliable Pathfinder stood. Without much ado, Sam got to work and we designated ourselves to watching him with a mix of curiosity in various degrees as he searched under the hood for the problem. And before I could even think of a reaction, he slid right under the dead machine, oil, water, et all knocking his range right to the problem. The starter! Of course, it had to be the starter. I turned the ignition with a silent prayer in my heart and voila! my comatose partner roared back to life again.

I thanked them all profusely, especially Sam who did not really have to have all the oil that he did on his face. As I drove back to my warmer quarters, another image flashed across my mind. Not from the United States of America but from my very own Faridabad in Haryana (in India for sure). As I passed a stranded car on a bitterly cold foggy December night there last year, I saw a young man (who I am going to call Sameer) holding a torch between his teeth while his hands worked deftly under an SUV trying to bring it back to life again. You could say Sameer was doing it for the money and yet I would not agree completely. In the few seconds it took me to selfishly pass by, I sensed the energy emanating from Sameer that prompted him to thwart the cold which I knew was good enough to numb him within a few minutes. I can't call it anything else except dedication.

When I come to think of it, I really do not see all that difference between Sam and Sameer and I cannot help but wonder - when there isn't much difference, why does the latter have to pay nearly sixty times to get what the former does for a dollar? You know what I mean, right?